Rules for Women (From Another Woman)

I think it’s incredibly healthy to expose things through comedy – I think some of the best comedians of our time tackle big issues and weave humor into them so that the pill goes down easier. It increases awareness and lightens the over-defensive. Desensitizing our offensive buttons will likely lead to more open and candid communication, which will hopefully improve current social issues. Keep that notion in the back of your head while you read this entry.

Anyway, it’s Friday – so let’s get over the serious stuff. I’ve said my short peace!

Gender wars aren’t new. But I’m really enjoying the humor behind these “rules” that have resurfaced (circa 2005). Stuff like, “Hey ladies – for us guys, yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question!” and “Boys – answering Who was that on the phone? with Nobody is not going to end that conversation with a woman.” make me snicker.

So I read “Women’s Rules for Men” and “Men’s Rules for Women” and through my snorting, it struck me – where’s the “Women’s Rules for Women” or “Men’s Rules for Men?”

Don’t you think we should take some responsibility in keeping our own gender in line? If I’m the only one raising my hand and shouting “Yes” forgive the enthusiasm.

I won’t step out on a limb (just yet) and start telling dudes what to tell other dudes, but I do think I have a place at the table of Women. So here goes:

Women’s Rules for Women

- Pee by yourself. It builds confidence.

- No, it’s not okay to scream and yell “OMG!!” in my ear when you first see me.

- My closet is not automatically your closet.

- There’s a difference between bitching and seeking a solution. Learn it.

- It’s annoying to listen to you bitch about your boyfriend. Break up or fix it.

- It’s annoying to listen to you bitch about our mutual friends. Don’t hang out with them or accept them for who they are.

- You dickin’ around on your Facebook iPhone app isn’t what I had in mind when I asked to hang out.

- I don’t want to hear how much more drunk you are than me. Sixteen times.

- Buying me a gift that you bought because you liked it isn’t really fulfilling the definition of generous.

- Bringing up my ex-boyfriends and how much cooler they are than my current boyfriend doesn’t equate to support.

- Holding a grudge from 6th grade stunts your personal growth.

- Contrary to popular belief – whining isn’t cute.

- Being passive-aggressive is a no-no. Bad, woman. Bad.

- You won’t lose your best friend status if we sit in silence for a period of time. Try it.

- I am always here for you. Except when you want to go shopping for jeans while you’re on your period. Nothing is going to fit and even if they did, you’re too unhappy to accept it. It’s just not a winning combination.

- I’m defending him because maybe you’re wrong this time.

- Shit happens. You’ll live.

- I did not forget how important you are to me simply because I didn’t notice your new outfit.

- Don’t hate me because I can eat more and work out less. I didn’t pick my genetics.

- Don’t hate me because you called “dibbs” on a guy and he spoke to me instead. I didn’t walk up to him!

- How about this – if you hate me, for any reason, let’s stop being friends!

- Getting engaged doesn’t give you a hall pass for acting bat-shit insane. I am your maid-of-honor. It doesn’t spell s-l-a-v-e.

- If you list one more flaw about the hot woman that walked by, so help me god, I will sucker punch you. For your own good.

Ladies – any rules that you want to lay down for the women in your life?