Turning 30: 30 ACTUAL Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know

I’m sure you’ve seen this article circulating about Glamour’s new book – Turning 30: 30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know. Well, I’m one of its target audience members, so I read it.

?

Umm… are we celebrating this?

Ladies, it’s whimsical and beautifully romantic, but a list like this should represent things that showcase maturity and fulfillment, practicality and independence.

Let me revise a much more beneficial list – at least, what I find to be more beneficial. Take this with a grain of salt and please be aware that these lists are bullshit anyway.

Here are 30 ACTUAL things I think every woman should have and should know by the time she’s 30.

1. Enough information about a car to recognize a potential problem and speak intelligibly with a mechanic. You should probably know how to check your tire pressure, change a tire, check/change your oil, drive stick and parallel park too, but take it one-step at a time.

2. How to defend yourself – mentally and physically.

3. How to say “no” and how to legitimately follow through with that answer.

4. Have had a job (that pays you money), a resume without spelling errors and an email with your full name. You should also be able to introduce yourself in an interview without using the word “like”.

5. Have learned that high school was over 12 years ago. No more gossip. No more cliques. No more hatred for other women. Embrace the gender.

6. Understand that a relationship is balance – give and take. He may not always want to hear you ranting and he might very well appreciate you listening to him for once – yes, even if it’s about cars. That doesn’t make him an asshole. Furthermore, share appreciation for the overall differences between men and women. Don’t capitalize on their faults to blind yourself of your own.

7. Make yourself laugh out loud. Doesn’t matter when.

8. How to politely tell someone the truth – friend or foe. To. Their. Face.

9. The ability to cook at least one decent meal.

10. To speak plainly, carry yourself with grace, but have the balls to go mama lion on someone if the occasion arises [with dignity, of course]. That sucker better know that messing with you (or someone you love) results in sincere consequences.

11. Give a fantastic blow job and strip-tease.

12. Awareness about your own body and acceptance of your body. Feel comfortable in your own skin and embracing your evolution from girl to woman.

13. Get dirty without squealing. Maybe even like it.

14. Have a hobby that is yours and yours alone. You don’t do it because your man does it. You don’t do it because you’re supposed to do it. You don’t do it with girlfriends. You do it alone. For yourself.

15. Have had a heart to heart with your mother about reality. She should know you not as her little girl, but as a unique, free bird. She’ll still love you. Promise.

16. How to be a gracious host.

17. How to walk in heels. I mean this seriously – practice in your room for all anyone cares, but don’t do the teeter-totter of a thirteen year old. You’re better than that.

18. Have hurt someone and learned what it is to give a meaningful apology.

19. Fallen in love without first seeking the approval of your girlfriends. And experienced enough men to recognize that yours is a keeper.

20. Awareness that you ARE a bitch when you’re on your period. But your period isn’t a justification. Get yourself together.

21. Sew a button, remove a stain and shank a liar (kidding).

22. Not just own a black lace bra – you should own an arsenal of lingerie and a closet of appropriate clothes that fit you (including a suit).

23. Be able to perform CPR, provide basic first aid and how to structure and execute an emergency plan.

24. Gain awareness about your personal alcohol limitations.

25. Give and take a compliment. Real ones. “Oh!! Your shoes are so cute!” is not a compliment.

26. Be able to recognize, call by name and use common tools – screw driver, hammer, drill, axe, etc.

27. How to negotiate, even haggle.

28. Given back to your community.

29. Traveled outside of your hometown. Outside of the country is even better [not with your mother is ideal].

30. Have created your own list of 30 [or more] things you want to accomplish before you turn thirty. And if it’s too late because the clock has already turned, make a bucket list. And start living.

I won’t lie. There’s a lot more swimming around in my brain because realistically – who can narrow life down into a list of 30 things to know? You can’t.